II. The Laboratory

"Nature is perfect, so what's the big deal
Having chicks so smoking hot I can feel
Their energy just by looking at them,
Like she is here in my arms it's the same?"
Figures the lunacy of attraction
Gives nature what it needs most: abstraction,
A clean, elastic space to contemplate,
Perceive, and put its stuff in. Now that's great!
If not for sex there'd be no metaphor
Or sweet words to give what is a what for,
The place nature uses for evolving
The apparatus needed for solving
An environment's trickiest puzzles.
And to think it begins with the nuzzles!

Vern is working from the bold assumption
That sex stimulates natural gumption
But at the Reagan administration
It's like a damn Bible school vacation,
Ronnie and Mommy vilifying sex--
They killed drugs and they're coming for porn next!
Lennon died and Russia's end was coming
Conservative rhetoric is numbing
One 80s theory is AIDS credentials
Are God's wrath against homosexuals;
"Do what the Nazis did and just gas 'em!"
Right wing nuts, I wouldn't put it past them.
They formed a commission to wipe out smut
And to hell with free speech, the case was shut!

By then, Vern is getting apoplectic
Besides being a bit patriotic:
"I'll never let them," blowing a gasket,
"Lower pure science into a casket!
The nerve of these cretins in Washington
To squash what the country was founded on
Besides being literally the case
That without sex there'd be no human race,
And, apart from our right and liberty
To dismiss religious morality,
The Enlightenment valued the senses
To maintain democracy's defenses
Against tyrannical swill and horseshit
And I promise to bring an end to it."

Obviously he enlisted his own,
Emma and Tex, against the coming drones
"Nobody Does It Better" as they say
About Bond, and Vern of his family,
Combating the ghouls of the Christian Right
Trying to extinguish the feral light
That burns within even the dullest boob,
Comprising half the good stuff on YouTube,
Even making, every once in a while,
That Miley or Gaga palatable,
Or going further back to Madonna,
Who wasn't rich from her voice, your honor.
The list of those who sold sex is endless
Concede facts a bit more and pretend less.

The Mystery of Bitter Root Manner is a three-part, interactive satire and grown-up picture book.